Feeling Lost

Where do I even start? I think I’ve been feeling a little lost or displaced since 2023. I think the end of the year is where this started off. Something happened and it changed me. Still can’t figure out if it’s for the best or the worst. It’s weird because this feeling mainly kicks in on the weekends or as it starts to get later in the day. I start wondering who I am and what I’m doing in life.

I think I just expected more of myself. I think I had higher expectations because of how people saw me when I was younger. Always getting told how smart I was and how much potential I had but I never fully felt that way I guess. At least not now. Now everything just feels wasted.

I feel like I’m behind. Like I’m in the desert watching the sun go down all by myself. I think the feeling of being alone adds to it. I hate that feeling. I’ve always felt that way though, like it was just me. Upside to it is that I’m very independent which can also be seen as a downside so maybe not an upside.

I think I’m just looking for something. I’m searching for a piece of myself. A piece of myself to feel whole. I wouldn’t necessarily say whole again because I don’t know if I’ve ever felt that way to start. I imagine the feeling of being whole to be much more pleasant and loving than this though. I just don’t want to feel like I’m wandering in the desert all alone anymore. I believe finding that missing piece will give me peace. (wrote this on a whim)🌱